my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
