Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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