My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
