My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
