I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize