he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
