she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
