Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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