dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
