So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
