I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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