Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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