please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
