cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
