Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
