Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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