I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize