I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize