So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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