When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
