I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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