At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
