You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
