Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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