He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Still dying that you shit outside
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
