i just had sex bonerless
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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