Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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