peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
