he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We are all done wearing pants today
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
