Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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