my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
