So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize