do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
