someone threw a dead crab at me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
