I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
