Who wears a wallet chain?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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