I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
