i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
