Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
