Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
