And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
