Are we in a gay sports bar?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
