a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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