The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
