Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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