my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
