i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
