My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
