If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
