As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize