the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
