whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
