there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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