I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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