Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize