There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
