I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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