Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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