I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
