After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
