No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
