someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
