dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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