So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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