One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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