he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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