Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
